Snow on A Saturday

How are you, Sweet Thrillerati? 
It snowed last night here in Rednecktopia, giving off a spectacular quality of sparkling light. Baby Kay didn't want to come inside, and Bob was chasing her all over the yard trying to get her. I rose early, made a pot of coffee, did the dishes, and started writing some holiday cards. I don't think I ever sent cards before, but this year I have cards made with my paintings printed on them, and I feel so special about them!

My health hasn't been awesome, and my heart just feels like hamburger in my chest all the time. I've been in the house too much, and everything feels hard when my health is repairing. Rest is done alone in quiet house, and the whole word goes on while I hide in my burrow. Everything seems to stab me...the dogs jumping on me, walking on my ankle, news on my facebook feed, violence on tv,  thoughts of the past, thoughts of the future, thoughts of the present. I have no skin.

 I had the fearful thought,"What if my heart ALWAYS hurts, forever? What if this is just what I am now? Maybe it is time to quit trying to be something different and just accept." Maybe I will just be a hurting woman, and there is no pill, no diet, no lifestyle change, no meditation that will change me. Maybe I am what I am. Is there a use for that kind of woman? Is it okay to be that? In reality, some people just never get over shit, and maybe I'm one, and the expectation of me to jump up like a Power Ranger and "Be Whole!" can just be put to rest. A lot of spiritually and physically damaged people have done a lot of things, right? But that doesn't mean that they were healed. They still hurt. I have a tattoo of a woman sewing her severed arm back on. That metaphor still is how I feel.

I work to make my world more gentle. Gentle animals, gentle blankets, gentle toasted cheese on gluten-free bread, gentle green juice, gentle music, gentle chores...a little bit at a time, and then rest.
I pray all the time for the entire world. The political situation is just blowing my mind, but so are my liberal friends who feel like we should always be safe and comfortable, a part of a working, fair system, with lights working and clean water flowing, unracist, unxenophobic, uncorrupt. Upheaval and instability are a cyclical part of life, and we will have to persevere, again. Most people are living with a blanket that doesn't cover both their head and their feet, and my comfortable friends are somewhat oblivious. We are all one. We live on too small a planet to bomb one side and think the other side is protected by a literal or metaphorical "wall". We can't starve one side and send the other to top private universities. We can't hate one religious cult, while being devoted to our own religious cult. Whatever we do to another, we do to ourselves. Do you know the story of Buddha looking over the wall? In my opinion, we all need to wake up to the suffering of others. Imagination is not only about creating stories and art, imagination is also a key component of compassion.

(((rant rant rant))) It is my blog, I can rant if I want to. :)



If I creatively crop my photos, I can make my house look totally tidy!

Love and light,
Your friend,
Hil