Don't Be A Fraidy

"Fox at Dusk", new work

Happy Easter to those who celebrate! Happy Beautiful Sunny Sunday, to those who don't! I am always sorta confused about what to do on Easter, since I am not a Christian, but nature is exploding with flowers all over the place, and it feels like an excellent idea to follow suit, be happy and join in with everyone else's fun. I was outside with the sun on my arms for the first time this year, and my shoulders are like,"Yow! What is THAT!?" I'm getting high on vitamin DEEEEEEE! :)

 It is quiet around here, since last weekend was the huge family celebration for my grandmother's 100th birthday. Nevie is spending Easter with her boyfriend's family, and we will go over to the inlaws' tonight for a nice dinner. Sequoia is in the kitchen, cooking vegan food to bring along, (smells good...onions and garlic, I think it is going to be a spinach dip thingy) and Bob is in the yard, throwing the ball to the dogs. 

I have been invited to participate in the Hawk Mountain Art Tour on June 3, which is a really cool event where you get a map, and drive around the mountain, stopping at all the cool little art studios hidden in the hollows. I will be showing my paintings at a kinetic sculptor's park-like studio. He makes those giant, moving sculptures that you may see at a huge office building or a university. Apparently, these people think I'm a real artist or something.  I'VE GOT TO PAINT MY ASS OFF NOW! I am very proud of my newest piece, "Fox at Dusk". Here is the whole triptych, 48 inches long...

I've been watching Life Below Zero while I paint, on Netflix. I do not want to live in Alaska, but I am reminded of a mindset that I seem to have drifted a bit away from this winter...staying close to nature and holding on to what is real..."simple living". I really gained a lot by watching this show, especially from Agnes, the Inuit mom. I was hardly outside this winter. I've been more tapped into pop culture and consumerism an all that...for what? I've been spending my whole life in my car, really, going here and there and everywhere. I buy things I should make. I spend my time and money on stupid stuff. Suddenly, the weather is warm and the flowers are blooming, and I don't want to leave my house ever again. I want to work here and live here, and make things here. 

I am thinking about making changes to this blog. I don't like the platform, I want to go back to wordpress. I'm not sure the level of privacy I want to maintain. I really don't know if I want to continue blogging at all, since my readership is about 5, but who am I kidding...I'm addicted, I can't stop. Every time I take time to blog, I feel like I'm wasting time, since no one cares what happens in my life, and I am not "making" anything. Torn. 

My online friend passed away, recently, and everyone was talking about how wonderful her writing in her blog was, and going back to the old links. She really was a GREAT writer, with a crystal clear voice. I don't Write with a capital W, I just throw it all up all over the page without any craft or design...for what? At first it was therapy, a life saver, and I made a tremendous amount of new friends, but I haven't met a new person in here in years, probably. The "journalling" genre kind of died with the takeover of facebook, instagram and snapchat. I don't know, I don't know...

My mind has been a bit hazy, too, another gift from Hashis. Bob has told me what his plans are three times, now, and it kind of floats over my brain, like backround music, but doesn't sink in. I know he told me, but I don't hear it. 

Suddenly, I feel like ten years older. Bob and I have had a lot of "adulting" to do lately...taxes, credit scores, loans, meetings at the bank, money stuff, meeting the boyfriend, meeting the boyfriend's family, travelling. I can't believe this is us! I wouldn't have believed it, if someone had shown me my current life through a glass, ten years ago. I'm going to own a home, and cars...plural!? And Nevie will be in a BOARDING SCHOOL?! WTF? I am going to know our credit scores, at some point? And things like interest rates and home equity? I am going to pay something called "Flood Insurance"? I'm like, almost, a contributing member of society! Haha!

 God help Society. The US is bombing everyone everywhere. I'm not ignorant to the news, but I don't write about it too much. I refuse to be a squawking liberal, just flapping my wings-can-you-BELIEVE-oh-my-GOD-we-are-DOOMED...maybe we are doomed. Actually, it is annoying to me that people assume that everything will stay all tidy and solid under their feet their whole lives. Like, genocide can happen, bombs can happen, economic collapse can happen on TV, but not to their 2.3 children and a picket fence. What's that word that is so popular right now...entitlement? My dad used to have a teeshirt that said,"NOT in MY backyard!"  People act entitled to stability. Liberal as I am, I do see the chicken-ish-ness of my own. 

The right wing are chicken-ish, also. So scared of blacks, LGBT, muslims, and press-one-for-english, aren't they? So scared of women making their own sexual decisions? Apparently, the boys at Sequoia's school can't even be exposed to a woman's collarbone, the gents are so delicate. 

My grandfather grew up in Montana, an extremely tough place to live, in the Great Depression, with an alcoholic father. Holy Fuck, no place for softies. I read so much Laura Ingalls Wilder when I was a kid...sometimes they didn't have food. Mary went blind. Once, they built a homestead, by the skin of their teeth, and had to LEAVE IT because they were on Native American land. That's a bad day. 

Right now, our government is taken over by mean spirited ignoramuses, so we will fight. We will insist on feeding the hungry, including the marginalized, resist the militarization of our police and the corporatization of everything down to the air we breathe. Just stop acting so HORRIFIED, like you couldn't BELIEVE it could happen. It happens all the time, in other backyards. 

I guess that is what I respect about the "Living Below Zero" people...yes, they have a subsistence lifestyle, but that lifestyle allows them so much more harmony, with nature, with society, and within themselves. They aren't talking shit about Syrians, they are focused on preparing to survive in winter. 

That' all for today.

Don't be a fraidy.

Love and light,

Your friend,

Hil